i miss the hassler
Thursday, September 22 
Interest anyone in a couch?
Because last count there were SEVEN dumped near the curb across the street from our house. There’s a variety of colors to choose from, and one has even been decorated with skiing- and drinking-themed stickers, which I’m pretty sure is the male version of bedazzling.
The couches have been out there for several weeks now, and unfortunately our Code Enforcement Officer was recently laid off by the city due to budget cuts. Shawn and I secretly called the Code Enforcement Officer “The Hassler” because her last name was really, actually “Hassler.” Anyway, if you’ve been reading my drivel since I began blogging two years ago, you might remember The Hassler was regularly showing up on our doorstep because of complaints about our raft being parked alongside the house. Also, our boat tarp was unsightly and full of holes, she noted. To which I was like, seriously? Lady, that’s nothing. Come on in the house and I’ll show you my underwear.
Anyway, I digress. The couches.
I’m guessing the same concerned folks who didn’t like our boat or tarp were even less impressed with the couch collection. Except now there’s no Hassler to call. So someone called the cops, and the cops visited the college kids who no longer want seven couches inside the house they rent. At first I hoped the curbside couches were a sign from heaven that the college boys who’ve lived there for the past three years were moving out. But now I see there are females who’ve joined the household, so I’m guessing they might have been behind the great couch removal.
In any case, the cops seemingly don’t have the same pull as The Hassler, because after three weeks the couches are still there.
Which brings me back to you.
Surely you need an extra couch in your garage, or to create that special man-cave ambience somewhere inside your house? Despite the fact that you might worry what sort of human body or barley-derived emissions are culturing inside the cushions, I can assure you they’ve been thoroughly washed. (Once during a light rain, and another time when it poured like a sonofabitch.)
Lemme know.
Reader Comments (11)
That light blue number might work in my living room. Or upstairs in my rec room. lol. I do feel sorry for you tho. It might snow soon and cover them up with a new blanket of white.
Man, when we were in college we just set fire to the couches we didn't want anymore. What is with these slackers?
Maybe you could take a page out of your own book and craft a message that gets noticed?
I see what's missing. They forgot to put out a hastily scrawled "Free" sign. People probably don't realize those beauties are on the market, or perhaps mistake it for a really up-town bus stop!
I hate to be a downer and actually be serious for a bit, but I'd recommend tracking down the property owner, perhaps sending them a picture, and directing them to the city ordinance page. This kind of crap is on the books and there are theoretical fines for such b.s. And maybe they don't know it's not really being enforced! (it's likely the owner doesn't realize a couple of lovely ladies have moved in too)
In our neighborhood, most of those would have been picked up by the end of the day. You could always post a curb alert on Craigslist.
I love that the enforcer was named Hassler.
Seeing that pile reminds me of Scary Acres, a house I once shared with 3 other girls. Before we moved in, it had been home to a bunch of university students who were not pleased to be evicted and left a horrifying mess behind that we had to clean up.
Hey! Income opportunity! Upright and circle the couches, park a barbecue in the center, tie a tarp above the whole mess, and stick a radio somewhere in there. Tune the radio to something obnoxious, and pound in a 'For Rent' sign in the grass. A few coolers, a tv, and you got yerself a right sweet little rental.
Hopefully that won't bring out the cop version of Hassler until you've collected some rent money.
Pooknelle, I wish we'd been roommates...
I bet setting them on fire would get them noticed. lol Pooknelle I was remembering couch burning this morning too. It was a interesting little tradition.
It is still funny to me that the students at our traditional straight laced little school would burn couches. I don't remember anyone getting in trouble for it either. Maybe they were too smart to get caught or maybe the powers-that-be really didn't want to catch them.
That pile of couches looks tempting.........fermented malt beverage emissions soaked foam would likely make lots and lots of smoke.
But, I am a good girl and would never actually set a couch on fire...on purpose.
Well, dare I say "bummer"? You guys had such fine ideas for dealing with the couches. (And wow. Yours sounded so cool, NLw/D. I could totally envision it.Also would've been one helluva bonfire.) In any case, The Couches Are Gone! I have no idea how or why, but we're back to green grass across the street, as of today.
Damn and the bedazzled one was sounding so swank, too! Pisser. =P
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