one for the baby book
Thursday, August 26 
Middle Son, about 9 months old in 1997.
Okay, I never really kept baby books for my sons or journals documenting their childhood, but if I did, this recent conversation would score an entry. Middle son had two friends sleeping over, and we were roasting marshmallows over a backyard fire. The mood was jovial, his friends unusually friendly for 13 -14-year-old boys, so I clapped my hands and said, “So, let’s all name our top three favorite movies of all time.”
Middle Son: Go shit in your hand.
I don’t know if I’ve told you this before, but I have some permanent hearing loss which means I often ask people to repeat themselves. (I’m not convinced I’ve got what it takes to rock a hearing aid yet.) So I was pretty certain I hadn’t heard Middle Son right.
Me: What did you say?
Middle Son’s Friends (MSFs): Ugh! Dang it! Darn! Unbelievable!
Middle Son: Go shit in your hand.
Me: Did you just tell me to GO SHIT IN MY HAND?
Middle Son: Yes.
MSFs: (Laughing) You won.
Me: Wh — ? What?
MSFs: We had a little competition going to see which one of us would say that to their mom first. But it had to be in front of the other two.
Middle Son: It’s a line from a movie, actually.
Me: Congratulations.
Middle Son: Thank you.
I salute his impressive timing. I didn't have a wooden spoon in my hand, and he knew I wouldn't use the hot marshmallow poker on him.
That’s my little Butterlump, my little achiever.
Reader Comments (9)
Jeez, if I'd said that to my mom, well, lets just say the hot marshmallow poker would not have been an impediment to her retribution.
I dropped the f-bomb in front of my mother exactly one time in my life. I was lying on my back in an ER (age 16 or so) when the doctor, without warning, squeezed my badly infected foot violently (18 stitches in the top of it), shooting puss out in what must have been an impressive display. I sat up yelling "Jesus f-ing Christ!". She never even blinked. Actually, she was probably thinking the same thing.
Gotta love the little darlings? Eventually they grow up some?
SDA, that's a concept that shakes my little world, what you said about growing up some. I'm trying to remember any evidence to support that. Or maybe you were speaking figuratively, or maybe you meant Physically they grow up some. You're pretty radical, woman.
But really, what an act of TRUST to dare to win that bet! I remember when I told my son never NEVER to drive if he and his grubby buddies drank anything; that I would pick them up any time, anywhere, no lectures. Well, the next night I got a call and had to drive into weird places in Kansas City to pick up my dear son and the three howling monkeys he was with, and cheerfully drop them all off in front of their homes. No lectures, lots of "Wow, I can't believe your mom didn't tattle, dude!" stuff the next day. And I never got that call again. Just needed to test it, I guess. Test if the relationship is rock-solid and can handle some crap. It is. Congratulations.
nlwd, I tell myself that to remind myself that although all males act immaturely most of the time , there are times when they will suprise you and act completely mature. Usually just when you needed them to. Then there are times when they just don't get it. Oh and thank you so much for calling me radical that is such a nice complement and I mean that sincerly from the bottom of my heart, Just ask Megan.
Butterlump indeed. That picture slays me!
LOL! I almost peed, I was laughing so hard. My mom would have slapped me into next month if i'd said that to her.
You're so cool. :D
Brother John and Nice Lady: You know, sometimes the stories in the comments are just waaaay better than the post that inspired them. BroJohn, how did you get yourself 18 stitches and an infected foot at 16? And Nice Lady, I think I told Oldest Son I would pick him up anytime, anywhere if he was ever out drunk and contemplating driving. I said this several years ago when it was nowhere near reality...Guess if you say it, you have to follow through though, right? Good for you :)
SDA: Good point, sometimes they do surprise me and act like civilized humans. I try not to expect it, though. I don't do disappointment well.
FaveAuntie: But you can still tell it's him, right?
Becky: I'm trying to tell myself I'm cool, but there's something a little uneasy about being the first mom this stunt was tried out on...
Megan , exactly. No Dissapointment. Little butterlump indeed , I love his " i am up to something" smile .
I ought to know better by now to drink tea and read your blog at the same time. It made me wonder if neti pot users ever use green tea. Very cleansing...