permission to dine: how i sell beets
Monday, August 2 
I got the boys to first try beets the obvious way: “Beets are the funnest and coolest vegetable you’ll ever eat!” I said. “If you eat beets your poop will turn red.” They were completely impressed when my prediction came true, and as they have many times over the years, they refused to flush until I witnessed the magnificence of beets.
Because we grow and eat so many beets this time of year, I was amazed when a friend stopped by while I was steaming beets and admitted she’d never tried them before.
“You’ve NEVER tried beets?” I said. “You grew up on a farm in Ohio and you never tried beets?”
“Nope.”
I was dumbstruck. “Do you mean they were never served, or do you mean you never wanted to try them?”
“Both, I guess,” she said.
“But they’ll turn you poop red,” I said.
She shrugged.
“Well, would you like to try one now?” I offered, holding out a thin, tender, freshly cut slice on a fork.
“Will it turn my poop red?” she asked.
“You’d have to eat a full serving,” I replied. “But I have a bunch here if you like them.”
She stretched her arm out and took the beet off the fork, holding it like you would a dead mouse by the tail. Then she popped the whole thing in her mouth and chewed while reaching for a napkin. Then she spat into the napkin, folding it shut. “Tastes like dirt,” she said.
I’d never thought about it before, but I could see how that sweet, earthy taste might bring dirt to mind — in the best possible way, if you’re a beet lover like me.
Sometimes I’m challenged to practice what I preach. I’m forever telling the boys they need to consider context when they’re saying something off-color or edgy. Think about whether it’s the right time and place to say what you’re saying, I tell them. And really, if I were following my own advice, I would never write about poop and then encourage you to try my latest favorite recipe.
Then again, this wouldn’t be the first time I’ve expected them to behave better than me. So please forget about that poop story.
Contemplate chinchillas!
There. Did that help?
Beets with Feta Cheese and Mint (a Megan original):
6-7 medium-size beets, steamed until tender
1/4 red onion, minced
1/2 cup crumbled feta cheese
2 Tbsp. chopped mint (optional)
2-3 Tbsp. olive oil
1/3 lemon
salt and pepper
Slice tops and taproots off steamed beets and rinse skins off in cool water. Slice beets into bite-sized pieces and place in medium bowl. Add sliced onion and mint, then pour olive oil over and stir to combine. Squeeze lemon over beet mixture, salt and pepper to taste, stir. Add crumbled feta. Note that once you stir feta into the salad, the cheese turns pink. Still tastes great, but pink cheese might seem wrong to some (sort of a theme in this post). If you’re of this mind, simply sprinkle the feta on top of the salad and wait to give it the final stir until serving time.
Reader Comments (12)
There are a lot of beets here and I've kind of grown to like them. I can't eat them at every meal or anything, but I don't mind them every now and then. I didn't know about the turning anything red thing, but I'm sure as hell not going to check. ;)
At least you told the boys about things turning red, Poor Shawn was not forwarned and thought he was dying.. Still love to tell that story. Poor Shawn heehehhe. The only way I eat beets is if they are pickled, but If I could readily find the ingrediants in your salad I just might eat them.
Can't wait to try that recipe, I never liked beets as a child but I like them now. I guess my mom was right and now I am finally old enough to like them. Or maybe.....it was the Martha Stewart red velvet cake recipe using beets that finally won me over. Ya, just put some butter and sugar and flour on it YUM! I think somewhere in the dutch manual for living it strongly suggests that anything tastes good if you use enough butter.
You want I should make you some goat cheese to go wid dem dere beets?
Seriously here--what a perfect local, in-season dish. *applause*
hhmm, I love beets. But even the entertainment value of red colored poop will not convince my kids to eat them. More for me then!
I'm going to try your recipe, but nix the red onion though. ick, raw onions
That is a beautiful bowl of beets. You have lovely light in your kitchen. Food and good stories go together. I will never look at beets in the same way again ;-)
We were just raving to the boys about how asparagus makes your pee smell funny. What boy doesn't want that? My kids had pink diapers for months since I fed them so many beets as babies.
I also like to make beet chips. Throw beets in food processor. Lightly coat with olive oil and garlic salt (or galic and salt if you are fancy) then bake at 375 for fiveish minutes. Flip and bake another four or so minutes. Yum.
Becky: Have you ever tried beets in borscht? It's one of my favorite ways to eat them.
SDA: Yes, he's told me that story. Poor boy!
Pooknelle: I need to get that red velvet cake recipe from you.
Bliss Chick: That's a yes from me on the goat cheese!
Catootes: It'll still be tasty without the onions. Hey, will I get to meet you at BlogHer? Would sure be fun.
Laura: Confession: I took that bowl of beets outside to photograph. Couldn't find better light than on the porch. (Thanks for noticing :)
Mel: I'm totally trying the beet chips! I'll bet they're sweet and salty and yummy. If someone --hypothetically-- didn't know how to work the slicer attachment on their food processor, could you just slice them thin? (Although I'm thinking they could be pretty hard to slice raw.)
Beets are great if you wear braces. We use an outhouse, so there's no point to the promise of red poop. My husband doesn't like beets, so I eat them when I'm alone. I drown them in butter and gobble them like a piglet. Man, my braces are packed with bright ruby chunks - should I send a picture? (NOT)
You could definitely slice them thin, it'll just take forever and be a pain in the ass. I'm too lazy for that.
The whole red velvet cake thingy is kind of a cheat because it is just beet juice used to dye the cake red. Kind of a waste of beets unless you are boiling them for something else. My vote for yummiest is the beet chips.
Yummy. Rob only likes his beets pickled from a can. Dork. Wonder if he'd like these?? We'll have to try them sometime. Of course, now that Feta is on the "No Eat While Pregnant Lest You Die a Horrible Death or Cause Your Baby Irreparable Harm" list (along with every other yummy, stinky cheese out there. seriously? UGH!) I will have to wait for another month to find out.