don't make me send my man in there after you
Monday, February 22 
Shawn may be the sensible parent, but he also has a liberal sense of humor. Here he models a pair of glasses gifted to him on his 40th birthday.
In case you haven’t already figured this out, not all of my parenting practices are tethered to common sense. Shawn rough houses with the boys like a cage fighter, but beyond that, he is the practical adult on the premises. Occasionally I convince him to go along with one of my crazy notions, and when I do, Oh, the naughty joy of it all…
Let’s just call this one Naked Parent Warfare.
A few weeks ago the boys were crowded around the TV, totally blowing off our repeated It’s Time to Get Ready for Bed warnings. Shawn and I were both exhausted, so went ahead and got ready for bed ourselves, hoping they would follow. It was after 10 p.m., late for a school night, even for teenagers. I called out to the boys again, this time crabby, and peeked down the hall. No indication my authority moved them in any way. It was like they had figured out there were three of them and only two of us. They might as well have been smoking unfiltered cigarettes, too.
Shawn was getting undressed when it hit me. “Shawn! You have to go walk in front of them, totally white-butt naked and turn off the TV.”
Shawn laughed, then offered a firm “No.”
“I’m serious!” I hissed.
“I’m not doing that,” he replied.
I was giggling so hard I crossed my legs and could hardly get words out, envisioning the boys’ past melodramatic reactions whenever they’ve inadvertently caught sign of “the real” Shawn. “You HAVE to. You ABSOLUTELY HAVE TO. Don’t you see? They’re being such buttheads. And if you walk out there naked with your wanger flapping and turn off the TV like it’s nothing, they will FREAK THE HECK OUT. It'll be game over. Come on, pleeeeeease? Please? Just this once? For me?”
And maybe because Shawn occasionally sees the genius in my ideas, or maybe because he was tired, didn’t want debate and just wanted the day to end, he conceded. “Okay.”
“Oh, you are so completely THE MAN,” I said, pumping my fist in the air to help psyche him up for the show.
So Shawn walked out to the front room, switched off the TV — all business — turned around and marched back to bed. Just like that.
I love that guy.
Middle Son, who has wide shoulders and is built brawnier than his brothers, screeched like a little girl with a spider trapped inside her footie pajamas. Someone else yelled, “Oh my god!” And then all three of them skittered off like barn cats with a hose turned on them. It was a beautiful moment. Didn’t hear or see them again until the next morning. Boo-yah!
Who knew a naked parent had such power?
Reader Comments (14)
HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! Score: Parents 1, Kids 0
That'll larn 'em! I can just hear the next incident: "Don't make Shawn bring out the birthday suit!"
That is awesome!!!!! hahaha
Nothing like starting out a Monday with a hearty laugh! Thanks for that. You guys rock.
Hearty laugh? check.
Disturbing visual? Double check.
Just remember, next time it's your turn. BTW, you get curtains up on that front window yet?
Keeping this excellent parenting tactic in my mental file.
First of all the picture made me pee my pants. I am also with brojohn on the disturbing visual. That being said , hehhehehehh haaahhhahahhah, Way to go Megan, Nothing works better on teenagers than embarrassing the snot out of them. Let their friends see you in curlers and face cream or such. But Shawn the sensible parent , this is the boy who well never mind , Glad my little brother turned out so well.
As a preemptive I always sit down and cross my legs before reading your posts. Hooyah.
Thanks for the comments, everyone!
BrotherJohn and SDA: If that was a disturbing visual, you may not want to check in when I post again on Thursday. I'm just sayin'.
Dad: Frightening. No curtains up yet. We like to keep things spicey around here.
This is absolutely hilarious! I am going to file this one away for future use by the husband for just such occasions with my boys.
Very, very funny. Wow.
Just don't ask for photographic support.
BrotherJohn: Agreed : )