The internet pretty much blows my mind, but that’s not saying much
Monday, January 18 
I did a Google image search for MELONS, and wow, there were a lot of images. One thing was clear, though: Some guys, like these fellows, really like melons. Photo from Reuters News Service.
When I started this blog last July, I made a deal with myself to blog for at least a year, posting twice a week. I knew nothing about setting up a Web site, was afraid to leave comments on other sites, had NO CLUE how many bloggers were already out there and whether anyone would support this site by reading. I thought if I learned how to set the Web site up and committed to that year, I would learn something, and enjoy writing regularly since I’ve become more of an editor than a writer at work. I’ve missed the writing, and doing that here in such a personal way has been affirming, thanks to the great community that I see via the comments and IP addresses that regularly appear.
IP addresses? That’s right, I may not know who you are, but your computer has an address that shows up when you visit. For some, that configuration of letters and numbers also gives a snippet of information like the college or town you’re from. So Mr. Afghanistan military guy, I have no idea who you are, but I’m honored that you log on to read me regularly. Makes my day and baffles me really, as in, Wow. A guy in the military, with all the stuff going on in this crazy, messed-up world, reads the crap I write. And must like it? Go figure…
But the most curious thing about this site is how people inadvertently land here via search engines. Squarespace (the company I use for this site) shows me the search words that led some stranger in Cincinnati or Sioux Falls to one of my posts. Here’s a few of those keyword searches (as written) from this past month:
Miss manners fart cubicle
These search words are such a direct match to a post I wrote that I wonder if the reader actually meant to find my site, but I’m trying to picture how that went down: “Dude, I just read about this freaky lady in Montana who eats Mexican food for lunch and digs farting in her cubicle all afternoon. Check it out — just type in ‘Miss manners fart cubicle’. It’s sick.”
Juggs melons the woman
Umm, I’m going to go ahead and guess that this person didn’t find what he was looking for on my site…Shawn surmised this was some horny guy who speaks English as a second language because of the word “the” in this search. A native English speaker would simply type “juggs melons woman” he assured me. Then he and I walked around like bug-eyed asshats with an accent, gesturing for big boobs: “I vant juggs, I vant beeg melons…I vant de woman.”
Dear Mr. Juggs melons the woman,
Unfortunately, more like fried eggs than actual melons here. Fried eggs that fed children. I know. Sometimes they disappoint me too. Best of luck in finding Juggs melons the woman. But hey! Maybe after you’re ummm, done — you know DONE — with whatever it is you’re doing on the internet, you could come back and read some of my latest posts on hypochondria or Snuggis or community volunteering?
Victoria’s Secret
Sorry. You’ve found Meg’s tired eggs. No secrets here. See above.
Blond catastrophes
I’m brunette with gray highlights, which is essentially the same as blond…
Reasons why it was not a fun party
Cause you didn’t invite me. Duh.
Barenaked ladies ninja song fart
Someone wrote about this song in the comments section of one of my posts, and for a while you could type that in Google and I popped up right there next to the link to the BARENAKED LADIES on YouTube. How cool is that? Could someone put me next to the Dave Matthews Band some time? I’m a huge fan.
Will tape worms fall out of dogs when bathing
Worms climbing out of dogs butt
See? I’m not the only one who freaks out about this stuff. Widespread concern. Glad I could commiserate in some small way. Community service, practically.
girls peeing in bottles
Doesn't work. I've tried.
I want a beer and I want to see
Fine. But I’ll have to ask Shawn first and get back with you. He’s the beer drinker in the family.
Cheers!
Reader Comments (9)
As usual you totally made my monday, Cant wait to the next installment. I am totally hooked. Thanks by the way for helping take care of the broken clutzy mama. I think it is so funny that your boys say she will be the only thing around at the end with the coyotes
I sooo wish I was as funny as you, but I'll console myself with the fact that I have the ability to understand your sense of humor. I hope that makes me kinda twisted. I really needed the laugh this morning. Thanks.
for as much as I blog I am still not as technically sophisticated as you. I love that you can see how search engines led to your page. The things people seek out . . . Oh my!
SDA: We're taking yo' mama some dinner tonite. She's one tough cookie...
Cherilyn: You're not as funny? Shawn and I are still telling THAT ONE STORY you recently shared :)
Kim: I don't think it's so much technical savvy as just the fact that Squarespace has a page that I can click on and see that information...In fact, I think you're the first person who has ever suggested I'm technically sophisticated. Hot damn!
Megan,
This is kind of funny. I am the "military guy" in Afghanistan that is a regular reader. Hell, I didn't even know that the IP we use on our system track back to the country. At any rate, I love your writing, and the pictures that you post bring back fond memories of Montana.
I wish you and your family the best.
Respectfully,
Josh
Hi Josh,
Yes, I wondered if it was you, since I remembered your kind comment on my post a few months ago about the death of my friend Dede.
Wow, like I said, with all I imagine you're seeing and doing in Afghanistan, I'm honored to think I can provide you a bit of a break from all that.
I didn't realize you had a Montana connection. I'll be sure to keep the scenic photos coming from time to time. Montana is still here, my friend! With all the wildlife, mountains, snow, rivers and good people...Here's to hoping you stay safe and are seeing progress over there. My best to you and your family as well.
Sincerely,
Megan
If I know Cheriyln she has more than one story lol
Oh *gag* I forgot about the tapeworm thing and now I'm all heebed out again. People most often land on my blog looking for song lyrics to Smash Mouth's All Star. Weirdos.
Aaron used to check his blog that way too, really weird that IP thing. And occasionally very funny miss juggs melons the woman, is it ok if I just call you "the woman" for short?