reasons not to throw a party
Tuesday, September 8 For as long as I can remember, I’ve been a worrier. And honestly, nothing makes my face twitch like the thought of throwing a party.
Come to YOUR party?
Love to.
Invite you to MY house for a party?
Isn’t Antiques Roadshow on that night? How about in 2060? (After I’m DEAD.)
Honestly, I don’t know how I turned out such a party pooper. I’m outgoing, and I grew up on parties. Whether over-indulgent birthday party or margarita bash, my parents — mom especially — knew how to P-A-R-T-Y.
I still remember the night of my dad’s 40th birthday. We were the only non-Mormon family in the neighborhood (except for neighbors on one side of us who never spoke to us anyway because our dog nibbled on their dog) and my mother rented a hot tub on wheels, which was parked in our driveway and packed with my parents’ swimsuit-optional friends. That was the same party she hired a belly dancer with magnificent golden breasts to serenade my dad.
Even when my mom and I were "on the outs" growing up she always threw a birthday party for me. Here I'm just walking in the door from dance class on my 14th birthday and...SURPRISE!
Last year I turned 40 and my mom and Shawn threw a basher for me, complete with a singing telegram from an “old boyfriend” who serenaded me with an “old favorite” by Barry Manilow. The house was packed with friends, and about halfway through the night I noticed something that totally flipped me out: Everyone appeared to be having fun.
Now the gauntlet has been passed. It’s time for me settle the heck down and step up.
Shawn turns 40 this month and I have to pull off something big. (Yes, yes. Shawn is younger than me. Am I not elderlicious?) Maybe that’s part of the problem: I think I have to do something BIG, which makes me freeze up. And so far, I haven’t done anything to pull this shindig off.
What am I afraid of?
Here’s just a few items from my list of probable disasters: What if people don’t have fun? What if they don’t really want to come but they do anyway just so we don’t have hurt feelings? What if they notice we still have college-kid furniture? (You so totally know that will happen.) What if they notice that I’m spatially challenged and our college-kid furniture isn’t well arranged? What if they stay too long and I’m tired and want to go to bed? What if no one shows up? What if I have half-eaten bowls of dip and don’t know whether or not to chance that someone sneezed Swine Flu into them and save them, or throw them away?
See?
There are serious consequences in getting this wrong.
Send good wishes if you want, but I need HELP. Recipes for friggin’ fun.
Like my fake smile and my eyebrow twitch? This is me, about to throw up.
I mean: This is me, about to throw a party.
Reader Comments (10)
As for having fun at parties I find that Rum helps. And Bourbon. A stripper wouldn't hurt either (and the kids would find THAT interesting).
And your Aunt mentioned to me on more than one occasion that she had an "interesting" time in that wheeled hot-tub. I believe it involved a Mormon, to boot.
And isn't there a birthday the day before Shawn?
Yes, I remember your father's party. I remember plotting for that belly dancer with your mother. I remember the hot tub incident (ahem). And I remember the tequila hangover. That was a fun party.
But I know the anxiety with throwing parties as I suffer from it too. Mostly the "nobody will come or if they do, they won't have fun" fears. My advice? Invite everyone, throw out some food, stock up on booze and stop worrying about it. Don't forget the belly dancer.
Shawn had the following advice for me: Lighten up, Lois.
We never had big parties growing up and never suprise anything. The closest I got was for my 40th and it was only saved by Harmina. Mom gave it away and I think there was something about a funeral too. So just have Conner make a cake wrap something up in a box send out invites make it potluck and have fun oh and dont forget the drinks .
I seem to remember a Buddhist wedding (BrotherJohn <hearts> FaveAuntie) on the beach at sunset, followed by a wonderful party that involved lots of chocolate cake with ganache and a great deal of liquid refreshments. And it was a very good time.
There is something not right with the term "elderlicious"!
That wedding party was the biggest party I have ever hosted. And it was a huge success, with help from BrotherJohnsSis.
Also - I LOVE elderlicious and I'm appropriating it for myself.
BrotherJohnsSis main contribution to the wedding was to drive the MomMobile.
I deeply regret not being at that wedding. If it were to happen again today you can bet your bippie I'd find a way to be there.
I just made that word up I think. Bippie. You can use it if you want.
Sorry kid but You can bet your sweet Bippee that"bippee" was probably inprinted in your brain youthful brain after multiple exposures to the TV show Laugh In. Sock it to you baby.