i guess this means i don’t control everything?
Monday, February 8
Morgan Freeman (God) leaves TV reporter Bruce (Jim Carrey) in charge of the world.
Oldest Son was potty trained at 18 months. We’re talking both pee and poop, in the potty. I KNOW. I’m amazing. I remember wondering why all the fuss in parenting books about getting one’s offspring to defecate in socially acceptable places. Then I had two more sons, and they taught me lesson number one in parenting: There will be times when despite your best efforts, you really aren’t in charge of outcomes. Turns out I’m not almighty master of my sons’ bowels after all, as neither of them had any interest in peeing or pooping anywhere but their dipes until their third birthday. Before then, I was under the delusion that there was something that *I* did that made things come out smelling like roses.
There are situations where I’ve caught myself still thinking like this. For instance, I’ve always had this subconscious belief that I’ve been spared a serious car wreck because I’m in control, because I drive safely. What happened the other morning put the brakes on that notion.
I was dropping Oldest Son at high school, when I turned off onto a residential side road to avoid morning congestion. I saw a large Sweetheart delivery truck barreling towards me on a cross street ahead, but didn’t think much of it because he had a stop sign and I didn’t. Perhaps because the stop sign was attached to a street light instead of freestanding, he blew through it and charged towards me with no time to brake as we met at the intersection. I swerved violently around the front of him, my heart hammering.
One second.
One split second difference and I wouldn’t have had time to swerve and he would have T-boned me through the passenger side. I pulled over, stunned. I turned around to see what kind of reckless jerk would drive like that and saw him pulled over as well, head in hands. It’s okay dude, blow it off. I’m okay, I thought tearily.
As I drove off I realized like never before that there’s a whole other side to avoiding life-changing events that has nothing to do with me and everything to do with statistical probabilities and luck. The experience made me think about dying or becoming physically debilitated for life. It happens all the time. Bad things happening to good people.
I don’t believe God or any higher power is at the controls when it comes making bad things happen. (I’m okay if you do.) I don’t believe God made the earth shake in Haiti. But I do believe God can give us the strength and grace to pick up the pieces and handle what happens. And the compassion to help others when we’re watching it all go down from the sidelines.
Anyway, the image of a Twinkie truck smashing my car and crushing me like a ragdoll has me a bit in awe. In reverence for all the people who weren’t spared that second and have had to figure out how to accept it and move forward. Learn to forgive in a way I’ve never been asked to.
It’s humbling for this control freak to realize all the things I’m not in charge of. And a bit unsettling to think I’m not completely in charge of whether I get to keep my family, my health and all the other good things in life. But I’m thankful that for whatever reason, I was granted an extra second the other morning. Thankful for all the times you and I were granted that extra second, when we never even knew life was that close to changing.










